i have never felt so alive before.
i have never smiled like this and meant it.
just an update:
i have writing and writing and writing and it's felt so good. there's no fucking pretty words and no one to fucking impress. it's just me and this piece of shit laptop. i still can't comprehend how fast my brain works and how my fingers react to it all because it just keeps moving&moving.
i'm going to start walking today. i would go workout and run, but i think i would just pass out. i'm starting to eat a little more and that makes me so happy. i will never take my weight forgranted; ever.
for the past year in a half, whenever i was alone in my room, i would just feel so fucking alone, but now. i cherish it. i love the fact that i can look in the mirror and love me. my room is still a mess and i love it.
i've been going on drives alot. since i'm horrible at directions, i just kinda go in circles. sometimes i think, sometimes i cry, sometimes i just take in all the things around me and i love that feeling. i'll turn off my cellphone, turn up the music and drive. &if it's some dancey song, i'm sitting there jumping while everyone stares and that makes me just laugh.
i've been taking this place forgranted. there's so many beautiful places where it's just perfect to lie and think and i've just been too absorbed in my own bullshit to realize it. i'm planning on driving up to the mountains to watch the sunset and just be there.
i just want to live.
i want to say thank you to everyone that's been supporting me all these years. in the beginning when i started LJ, i wanted to write for me. but then suddenly i started getting all these feedbacks from all these people and it just felt so amazing. so in the process of growing up, i sort of forgot to write for me. i was always worried about informing everyone what was going on even when my entries were vague. i thought that if people could heal from my words, i could heal from their faith in me. but that's so wrong. i'm finally doing this all for me and it feels so good.
there might be a come back, there might not be. but i just wanted to thank all of you who have followed me throughout these updown years.